What’s on your 'Stopping List'?
For every addition there should be a subtraction
How would you define coaching?
Hard to do definitively but how about this as a start point?...... “helping people to do more of the things that have positive impact”
I think it’s a pretty good summation and compass.
But it could go deeper.
What about helping people learn to be aware of and do less of the things that have a negative impact or return?
Make sense?
Now, change direction again.
As coaches we’re usually acting from in to out. That is, you’re focused on the message you need to get across. You’re focused on leading the best program possible. You’re focused on facilitating the growth of people, processes and place that will bring about sustainable improvement.
All good and worthy; very important in fact.
But what about you?
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You can only give players/athletes what you’ve got…so what about your development?
Of course there are no end of books, videos, seminars and courses focused on the showing & telling of what you can do and should consider.
But who tells you what not to do?
Who or what shines a light on the prevalent habits that are unrewarding, unprofitable and, often, counterproductive?
If it's important for a player/athlete to have a good grasp of what not to do, then what about you?
So, let’s look at the unhelpful habits that apply the handbrake on your potential and progress. The ones you should consider dropping.
What might be on your ‘Stopping List’?
How many of these behaviours would you identify with and actively see the benefit in ceasing?
“Accept that all of your heroes are full of shit.
Your heroes aren’t gods, they’re just regular people who probably got good at one thing by neglecting literally everything else.” Jason Pargin
24/7
As a coach or manager it’s hard not to live it. It’s the nature of the beast. But is bringing it home such a great idea?
It is ok to be passionate and consumed by what you love. But equally well is too much of anything a good thing?
There’s plenty of evidence to suggest that immersion for too long or too deep on any matter can become so consuming as to cause risk to the balance of your life and relationships. Congruently, if you aren’t coming up for air then too much attention to and living your passion can, and will, actually initiate a downward creep in your personal performance and passion. Compounding to the point where burnout can, and often does, manifest. Know when to put your coaching/management to one side and focus on other things. Change is as good as rest.
I wish….
Yesterday I read a really good quote shared by Chris Williamson (who has an excellent podcast btw)
“The price you’d need to pay to be the people you admire is often one you wouldn’t be prepared to foot the bill for” - Chris Williamson
As coaches and managers our most used bone isn’t our jaw bone….it’s our wish bone!!
How often do you look on at others and their situations and wish we were in their situation? Really, how rewarding is it? Kinda lazy, isn’t it?
In reality we have little insight into their unique context or circumstances. We’re not looking in widescreen but instead turning the telescope the wrong way around.
The people & situations we ‘wish’ were mirrored on our own have many more undesirable qualities and circumstances than you could imagine.
Wishes only happen in fairy tales. Better to come back to terra-firma and make things happen. Stop wishing. Plot the outcome you want and then start seeking out the small & meaningful opportunities to move your needle forward.
Big Bang Moment
And to follow on that theme re. Small, easy wins, why oh why are we seduced by & invested in big bang moments? Sure they make good social media clips but how often do they happen? 99 times out of 100 progress and achievement comes down to making incremental gains in the right direction until you reach a critical velocity that starts a positive return.
Reacting vs Responding
We’ve all done it. When faced with an anomaly or something not quite going our way we let the limbic brain take over and we react. Often a reaction is not optimal. On the other hand a response is often a more profitable answer. It’s no less slow but tends to be more measured and better informed. It requires an open mind and understanding. It’s not something developed in a day or two but over time ... .but it all starts with the decision to see and feel that reacting is not all that helpful when pitted vs.responding. ( A good hack for this is to leverage an approach that I share with the coaches I mentor 1-to-1; the “so what, now what?” approach)
Spreading your attention
Have you seen the movie “Up”?
If so you might be familiar with the scene (below) where we meet Doug the dog. Doug is a rescue retriever. But not too effective as he’s constantly distracted by squirrels.
Coaches can be just like Doug. We’re constantly distracted from the important thing(s) by the shiny urgent thing(s) that induce dopamine hits. The outcome of this behaviour is diluted focus where we’re doing lots and we’re busy. In truth though, we’re just running fast down many of the least rewarding roads.
You’ve got to shout stop to this. You’ve got to ignore the people pleasing and wean off the dopamine hits. The adrenaline buzz that comes from spinning many plates is, in truth, seductive yet it’s distracting from your primary focus area(s). And when these primary areas aren’t met and mastered then no amount of “yeah but” about your past busyness and productivity will hold way. Attention is like money…you can spend it or invest it.
In exactly the same way as your players/athletes you too are a creature of habit.
That’s not going to change but the question stands…are you a master of your own destiny or restricted by your habits & behaviours?
A good exercise is to reflect after each day (or even each coaching session) on what you’ve done and decide if the action or approach needs to improve, stop or continue as is. Then, when you pro-flect*, the next day/session you can use this detail to decide on what behaviours, habits and approaches you will avoid or ignore.
[*see my previous article that includes a paragraph on the habit of pro-flecting]
As important as it is to evolve and improve, isn't it time to pay attention to what you need to let go of and discard in tandem with what you are adding by way of ability?
Remember that your capability can act as a governor or force multiplier on your ability.
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All the best….Paul